When last week I was questioning the men in my life, I was torn in my own perceptions and respect for them. And the universe has made my decision for me. The person who I believed I loved and wanted to be with has met someone else, within a week of telling me he wanted to be with me. And the funny thing is, is that I'm not surprised or devastated or upset in the slightest. Sometimes you just have to accept it, deal with it, and move on. This does two things for me. One, is to enable me to pursue something with a man who challenges me as a human being, and two, allows me to finally realise that a lot of things are a complete joke. I know that it sounds somewhat jaded to believe that 'love' is a joke, but when 'love' means finding someone completely new after a year of trying to get past the shit of a relationship, yeah, its a joke. Or maybe its just him. He was everything I thought I wanted. And it was complete rubbish. In a way I'm glad. Everyone has to realise at some point, that human beings aren't the idolised creatures we believe we are. We're human. And that allows us to hurt those around us, that engulf and breathe the air we do at such a point as to emotionally cripple others. And all for the excuse that we are human. I am not a perfect being. I have made choices in my life that may have hurt those I care, or cared, for. But when you take responsibility for them it gives you a certain amount of courage and control over your own fate.

I have spent the last twelve hours in bed, recovering from a bout of what I believe to be food poisoning. And a dodgy pie started it all. I can see the comedic beauty of this. It takes a bout of sickness for my body to recover physically from the draining actions of the last week. But as soon as I start to recover I need emotional recovery. Sometimes life just has to make you laugh. Yet I can sit here now, and write this for all of you, and when he comes online (as he has just done), I can happily close the window, and know that I will overcome this moment.

Today's panties: Black cotton, with a pink skull and crossbones on the front.