A very tired, average feeling Tracey writes to you today, last night - while not being a complete disaster, was just well... Its hard to describe... The birthday girl ended up in tears for most of the night, so it generally dampened the mood lets say. I got to see a few of my mates, which was fun, and I'd love to see them all again... Photos were taken and times were enjoyed. Beer was consumed and fights were had... Cars were abandoned for the safer option of walking home. And it is now that I reflect upon last night, and realise that I may have been better off staying at home. In a couple of hours I have to go to work. But at least I can (hopefully) have a slow night. Sunday's generally aren't too bad. The friends I saw last night, they weren't the friendly faces I wanted to see... so many people that are important to my life weren't there. And can't be there. And it was horrible, and reflective. And when you think about things like that you realise that you've come to a point in your life when you need to make some big decisions regarding your future, and your life. When you think about the people in your life, those that mean more to you than the world, and those that appear more as just stops along the way.

There isn't a whole lot someone can say about the people that you love without sounding like a complete soppy muppet... But then, if you mean as much to them, they should already know it... Shouldn't they?

So I ask this: What do you do when your life is falling apart, and the one thing that means the world, is the one thing you can't have? Do you fight and believe (in ignorance... or stupidity) that maybe, just maybe one day it will happen and things will be grand. Or do you finally accept that one day will never come, and live without that beauty in your life, for the rest of your life. Then again, maybe some answers aren't meant to be known. Or maybe, you have to leave the decision making up to the world around you, and just sit back and enjoy the ride. It may be an optimistic option, but maybe the world is on my side.

Todays panties: Black boylegs that read "It doesn't count, if you don't get caught"