This will be the last time I'll write something here for a few days. I'm going away with my new bloke and needless to say will be too... 'busy' to get to a computer. Vulgar, I know, but so incredibly honest. I was brought up knowing that honesty was always a good thing, that it was better to be honest than to lie to yourself and to others. But I have to wonder: Can honesty ever be too much of a good thing? Surely in some circumstances this answer is yes. But morally I feel that I should always be honest with those around me. Regardless of if it would hurt them or not. I think it would be better to be honest from the beginning than to risk many things by being dishonest. If a husband cheats on his wife, should he tell her and risk her happiness and their marriage? Or should he keep his mouth shut, and live with that guilt? Surely, a clever woman would realise eventually that there was something wrong... Its hard to have such an opinion when the example I gave is not one that I can relate to... It is times like this when you think how accurate the use of a 'sigh' can be.

"Honesty is the best policy"... if this is so, then why are surrounded by a world of lies? In a society where politicians run the world, and a politician is said to be worse than a car dealer (ahem), then I wonder when this saying fell into the wood work. Honesty is the best policy. I believe that with all of my being. And I have to wonder if there will ever come a time when I am forced to abandon it. Or forced to ignore it.

This is a song thats touched me recently, that I've felt deeply and loved to listen to. Its soothing, I find.
Bless The Child - Nightwish

"I was born amidst the purple waterfalls.
I was weak, yet not unblessed.
Dead to the world. Alive for the journey.
One night I dreamt a white rose withering,
a newborn drowning a lifetime loneliness.
I dreamt all my future. Relived my past.
And witnessed the beauty of the beast"

Where have all the feelings gone?
Why has all the laughter ceased?

Why am I loved only when I'm gone?
Gone back in time to bless the child
Think of me long enough to make a memory
Come bless the child one more time

How can I ever feel again?
Given the chance would I return?

I've never felt so alone in my life
As I drank from a cup which was counting my time
There's a poison drop in this cup of Man
To drink it is to follow the left hand path

"Where have all the feelings gone?
Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you?
Now unblessed, homesick in time,
soon to be freed from care, from human pain.
My tale is the most bitter truth:
Time pays us but with earth & dust, and a dark, silent grave.
Remember, my child: Without innocence the cross is only iron,
hope is only an illusion & Ocean Soul's nothing but a name...

The Child bless thee & keep thee forever"

My day was going relatively well, until two things happened. The first of which involved my boss suddenly springing a weekend off on me. I was under the impression that I was working, and the sudden lack of work, had me a little worried to be frank and honest. Cleared that up, they're just giving me a weekend off. Sounds good. The second of which involved this conversation:

V: Hello thar.
ME: Howdy.
V: How's it goin?
ME: Pretty good. You?
V: Halfway through.
ME: Halfway through... what? Cooking? Thinking? Rotting away until you're a mass of bones in your six foot deep grave? Be more specific.
V: My four week suspension.
ME: So, what? You think you're hardcore now?

My god people are getting stupider and stupider. If THIS is an example of the future of this country, I think I can safely say, we're officially fucked.

Today's panties: Red cotton with "Kiss Me" written on the front. X

Today was a day of realisation, and understanding. Making a dear friend realise that he didn't have to live with one extreme or the other, that there is a balance and that it just takes time to find it. It made me realise the same thing. That there is always a balance, you just have to look at the whole picture, and realise that you need both aspects to be sane.

Today's panties: Black cotton, with a skull and crossbones on the front. X

Well, I've definately got my appetite back. I ate more today than I did all last week. I feel almost revolting, and my stomach is crying out for help. Its a horrible feeling really, but I hope I can keep it down. I tend to chunder when I eat too much. Anyway, I spent the day driving mostly, I gave my car a good run with my dad and got some more practice in... yeah, I know you all wanna give me shit about not having my license yet... Then discovered that the Australian government is making it compulsory for all learner drivers to have 120 hours worth of practice. Which totally destroyed me, as now I have about ten hours, total... over a period of two years. Yeah, I know I suck.


I tried to do some painting, an iceberg kinda scene... lots of snow and white and the small ripples in the water. It just ended up looking like a white and grey blob in the middle of the canvas. I haven't had much luck lately with these ideas. The naturalistic idea is working out well... but I can't get the tonal shades right for the forestry. Its kinda annoying, having this half finished, amateurish piece looking at me from across the room. One side of the canvas is looking fantastic, its just those bloody leaves...

Today's panties: Pink lace. X

I came home from a weekend of partying yesterday, was dropped off by my guy and my mate, and went to work shortly afterwards. Today I didn't do anything major. I didn't want to think, so I spent the hours doing housework... pretty much everything, even cleaning windows. And then as soon as I ran out of things to do, I get a phonecall from my ex... and thats not something I really want to go into. As soon as things get good in your life, everything else suddenly takes a massive dive, and you end up trying to juggle a billion things at once, often unsuccessfully I might add. For once I just wish that everything would fall into its own place quite happily, that things would be easy. But then, where would be the fun in that.

If the world was to throw you a free pass now and then... I have to wonder what the consequence would be. They teach you in science that every action has a reaction... so you have to wonder how the universe and the rest of your life would react. If we got a free bone would something in our lives be thrown as well? Would our partners leave us? Would we lose our jobs? Our cars? Our homes? Would their be an accident of some kind? Would we lose someone we loved? It just shows you to be careful what you wish for.

I mentioned this dilemma to a friend of mine the other day, one of my colleagues. And she said "When it rains, it pours." and you have to notice how right she was. When things get good... busy in your life, everything else does as well. When there isn't anything happening, work is slow. So is your social life. And just when you think you've got a good balance of both... WHAMMO!

Today's panties: Black lace and silk, with yellow polkadots and a pink ribbon on the front. X

I don't want to turn into one of those women that just talks about the men in their life because they have nothing better to discuss. I know that I'm more intelligent and more mature than that. I know that the people around me that listen to this bullshit deserve more than that.

Today was just an average day, I'm feeling a lot better, but I'm still not back at work. I started working out again today, and it felt nice, to get my muscles moving again... you could feel them strain because they haven't been used in a couple of weeks. Doing squats and crunches still hurts, but thats to be expected when they use my stomach muscles. I went out and paid a few bills, spoke to a friend of mine that I hadn't heard from in a while, it was nice to talk to her. We arranged to go out together tomorrow, meet up with the boys and have a few drinks, maybe hit a movie. I'm looking forward to it, I haven't done anything like that in a while with my mates. Knowing us we'll probably see some strange movie, most likely Shrek the Third. LOL. for some reason kids movies are always more entertaining that the adult ones. Last time we went and saw 'Happy Feet', the cinema was filled with adults, it was a blast. So tomorrow night I won't be blogging to all of you, I'll be sitting in a bar with my mates and enjoying the night life of the city. Hope you all have a great weekend too.

Today's panties: Turquoise lace. X